Breaking the Rules
by Sergeant-Politeness
Summary: Bella and Emmett are left alone for a weekend, hilarity ensues Caffinated!Bella, Emmett wears tight baby tees, and there just might be a gwen steffani sing along. Not Em/B love story! Major Crack Alert
1. Introductions to a Glorious Weekend

**AN: My first multiple chapter story please read and review!!! **

**Emmett POV: **

I was in the living room with Eddie and Bellie" I was interrupted from my thoughts by Eddie.

"Don't call me Eddie!" Eddie yelled.

"I was just thinking in my head if you don't like it don't listen!" I ordered.

Bellie started to laugh at the two of us.

"Come on EDDIE don't spoil his fun. " Bellie said

Eddie got a smug look on his face.

"Oh okay then I guess you'll be happy to know that he calls you Bellie!" Bellie got a horrified look on her face turned to me with a hot blush on her face and started yelling.

"In no way, shape, or form are you allowed to call me Bellie!" It was funny, to me at least.

"Whatever you say Bellie...What kind of big brother would I be if I didn't torment my little sister."

"A less annoying one." Edward quipped.

"Ouch Eddie that stung" I'm awesome and Eddie knows it.

Bellie and Eddie looked aggravated but I was growing more and more bored by the second.

"Why don't you hang out with Rosalie?" Bellie asked

"She went on the weekend shopping trip with Alice." I replied

"How come you didn't go with?" she asked

"Why didn't you?" I countered

"Touche" Bellie and I laughed

"What about Carlisle or Esme?" Bellie implored

"Esme went with Alice and Rosalie, Carlisle is at a doctor's convention in Vermont" Eddie answered

"Oh" Bellie sounded defeated but as a last hope asked about Jasper.

"Not worth it he's leaving in an hour with Eddie to go to on an extended hunting trip." I retorted

"What trip? Why didn't you tell me!" Bella shouted Pure horror adorned her face.

Realization dawned on Eddie's face. Wow, I didn't know vampires could forget things.

"I didn't forget I just thought it was next weekend!" Eddie answered.

"Nope, this weekend." I mocked

Bellie face looked desolate.

"Why can't you go in place of Edward?" Bellie asked me with a pout on her face.

"I don't know something about me calling him Emo too much, since he always gets really Emo when Alice goes away, not as big an Emo as Eddie mind you, but still annoying." I laughed

"I am not an "Emo" and stop referring to me as Eddie!"

Bellie laughed at Eddie's attempt to dispute my claims but then quickly stopped when she saw the pained Emo look on Eddie's face.

"Aw honey I didn't mean it, its just that you get a little emotional sometimes and..." Bellie tried to insist.

"I am not an Emo" Edward shouted.

Yeah! And I'm a ninety pound girl from Idaho, and I'm not my Rosie told me so.

"Anyways do you know what this means!!!" I exclaimed

"I have a feeling something not good." Bellie quipped

"No, it means it's just the two of us this weekend! Isn't that great!" I shouted

"Oh no!" Both Eddie and Bellie said simultaneously, it was creepy almost as creepy as dolls with eyes that follow you around the room. Ugh! Dolls are creepy and weird. My paranoid doll phobia is what kept me from making friends with Alice for the first two years I knew her **(AN: another story for another day) **but I got over that...kinda.

"What's wrong with me being alone with Bellie?"

"The problem is taking care of Bella is a full time job and I doubt that you're up for the task."

"What does that mean, I am old enough to be her grandfather and need I remind you I have graduated high school and college multiple times, babysitting would be the easiest thing yet. Really your lack of faith astounds me!"

As I finished my argument, not rant because Emmett McCarthy does not rant, I noticed that Bellie looked furious. She pulled Eddie down by his shirt collar stared into his eyes and unleashed hell upon him. The resemblance to Rosie was astounding.

"Listen to me now because I'm only going to say this once I AM NOT A BABY! Therefore I do not need to be babysat by anyone. You are my fiancé not my father and even Charlie doesn't baby me the way you do! Now before you 'forgot' to tell me you were leaving this weekend I already cleared it with Charlie that I would be staying here! And it's too late to change plans because he is going on an extended fishing trip so..."

Bellie stopped to look at me.

"...yes I would love to spend the weekend with you Emmett."

God bless this five foot four human female because she just managed to scare two full grown vampire men and that is not an easy feat.

"Amen to that" Eddie uttered answering my thoughts

"Good, now what did I just get myself into?" Bellie spoke. Fear evident her eyes I took it upon myself to respond.

"A totally awesome weekend with me, you should consider yourself lucky many would be honored for such a chance."

Both Eddie and Bellie snorted.

"I heard that!" Man this weekend is going to be awesome I wonder what I'm gonna do with Bellie this weekend?

"Wait" Eddie interjected "I have some rules..."

**AN: The next chapter will be Eddie's rules and etc. the more reviews I get the faster I update so please make my inbox happy!!! It would be greatly appreciated!**


	2. Good Byes and Mischievous Ideas

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything aren't I pathetic?**

**AN: Thank you so much for the reviews they made me so happy ! Now on with the Story.**

"_Wait" Eddie interjected "I have some rules..."_

Bella Point of View:

I swear to god Edward may be incredibly sweet and romantic but if he treats me like a child one more time I'm going to scream.

"What do you mean you have some rules? Did I not just say I was an adult?" I demanded

"No sweetheart you've got it the wrong way I trust you, I really do it's just Emmett I don't trust." Edward replied.

Edward needs to start treating me like an adult. For heaven's sake I'm older then him...in a way. The last time I checked eighteen beats seventeen!

"I don't understand why you have such a problem with me hanging out with my little sis!" Emmett groaned.

Aw Emmett thinks of me as a sister. My warm thoughts were quickly interrupted.

"It's just that I know you. You're not careful. Bella is very fragile and you're...not!" Edward stated .

"They way you are acting you'd think I was made of glass!" I cried

"I think glass is too durable to describe it as you Bellie" Emmett laughed

"I resent that! And stop calling me Bellie!" I barked

I'm going to give Emmett a taste of his own medicine let's see how he likes a nickname of his own! **(AN: Give me ideas for his nickname)**

"Anyways I didn't say no I just want to take a few precautions. Emmett I'll give you the list before I leave with Jasper okay?" Edward proposed

"Alright, I can't wait" Emmett gushed with fake enthusiasm.

_A few hours later..._

Jasper came into the house to wait for Edward in the living room with us. Edward left Emmett and I to our own devices while he went upstairs to create his _**LIST**_. The way he's obsessed about it you'd think it was the holy grail. He'd been acting all secretive for hours.

Jasper called up to Edward to notify him they were leaving soon. Less then a second after Jasper uttered the words Edward was before us with the list in his hands and a proud look on his perfect face.

"Alright Jasper we're leaving soon." Edward answered Jasper's unspoken thoughts

"Is that the list. Bro you're acting like the list is like the holy grail or something" Emmett declared

"Oh my god that's what I thought!" I screamed

And simultaneously all three vampire men looked at me with surprise evident in their facial expressions.

Did you say omg?" Edward questioned.

"Wow you're excitement levels matched Alice and that's saying something." Jasper confessed

I blushed realizing my over excitement.

"Just forget it okay don't you guys have somewhere to be?" I pointed out

Edward said a not so quick goodbye that involved a kiss and a hug in which Emmett replied with the witty remark "Ewww" and I replied with the elegant response of "shut up".

Edward handed Emmett the list, Jasper threw a quick "bye" and they were off.

"So what does the list say?" I asked

"Stupid stuff." Emmett groaned

"Yeah that was helpful" I replied sarcastically.

"You know what Bellie sarcasm hurts" Emmett retorted

Emmett looked really sad and he was pouting. Seeing that teddy bear of a man sad is the worst thing I have ever experienced and I wanted to anything to stop it.

"I'm sorry Emmett I'm just in a bad mood because Edward is gone. We can do anything you want just stop pouting I think it's killing my soul." I said truthfully

As soon as I said I would do anything I got a bad feeling inside because the sad pout left Emmett's face to be replaced with an evil grin that scared me. I think I was better off with the soul crushing pout.

"Anything?" Emmett questioned with an evil undertone.

"Yes?" I squeaked

"Great!" Emmett bellowed.

"What are you thinking Emmett ?" I asked

"I was thinking we should..."

**AN: I know another cliffy I am so bad. Please Review!!! And I'll get working on the next chapter. **


	3. Fake Blood, Frozen Treats, and Bad Taste

**Disclaimer: I'm not Stephanie Meyer I just pretend to be on Halloween. **

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**AN: Thank you to all the wonderful people who reviewed my story seriously I think I love you! The chapter is longer then most I tried to beef them up. Read and Review please.**

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"_I was thinking we should..."_

Emmett Point of View:

"...not follow the list!" I said triumphantly. This is a brilliant idea if I do say myself. Apparently Bellie didn't think so, she was looking at me like I had two heads.

"I don't think so Emmett, Edward would get mad...at both of us!" Bellie argued

Ha! This girl had no sense of fun!

"Oh okay then we won't do anything to upset your _**daddy**_ !" I pressed

That did it her face looked as red as my Rosie's lipstick.

"Edward is not my father! Fine what do you want to do?" Bellie inquired.

"I haven't really looked at the list yet." I confessed

I took it out and gave it a once over. Unbelievable the list was laminated and printed on special paper that said _From the desk of Edward Cullen _wow anal retentive much? What does Bellie see in Eddie I pondered so I asked.

"Bellie what do you see in Eddie?"

Uh oh Bellie looked mad at me...again.

"First don't call me Bellie, secondly Edward is great and..."

That's when I tuned her out. Man could she go on about Eddie I really don't see the attraction. Oh Bellie is finishing better pay attention.

"...and that's why I love him!" Bellie exclaimed.

"Anyways I think that if we break the rules on the list it will teach him that you are an adult that can do whatever she wants when she wants to. He'll learn boundaries!" I said.

I really didn't care about Bellie being an adult and proving it to Eddie I just want to get him pissed and this is the best way to do it.

Bellie looked thoughtful and then spoke.

"Okay I'll do it!"

Man she was so easy to manipulate now I know why Alice is always doing it.

"Okay I think we should do the first one on the list." I ordered

Bellie took the list from my hands read it then stopped breathing.

"You're going to bite me?" She screamed

**(AN: I was tempted to stop here but no)**

Her reaction was hilarious!

"Not really but it's going to look that way." I explained.

"What?" Bellie snapped.

"Just trust me" I purred.

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_A few minutes later..._

Bellie was currently lying on the kitchen floor trying to act lifeless while I squirted ketchup over her. Trying was the key word because Bellie could not act to save her life and that was putting it mildly.

"Just try to act more...dead" I tried to instruct her.

"This plan is stupid. Edward's never going to believe it." Bellie announced.

How dare she question me this plan is my baby.

"I know he won't believe that you're dead...thanks to your acting..but it will still piss him off. And that is the main goal of this plan. Now pose for the pretty camera while I pretend to bite you."

After a few snapshots we cleaned up and I discovered how horrible ketchup tastes after getting some in my mouth when I was pretending to bite Bellie. Ewww I can't believe Bellie and other humans can eat that junk, my stomach was twisting just thinking about it.

"Ha looks like someone doesn't like the taste of ketchup." a very amused Bellie yelped.

"When you're a vampire you will finally feel my pain and I guarantee you won't find it funny

when it's you with ketchup in your mouth!" I countered.

She still looked amused, man as soon as her newborn year is up I'm so going to squirt a bottle of ketchup down her throat. We'll see whose laughing then. (Cue diabolical laughter)

"So what rule are we breaking because that last one was kinda pathetic." Bellie spoke.

She has no respect for my art. That was not pathetic I personally can't wait for Eddie to see the pictures.

"Come on I'm going to feed you."

"No come on I want to do another off the list." She shouted.

"Who said we aren't doing one off the list?" I replied.

With my question I heard a loud gulp come out of my Bellie. This is going to be fun.

"Don't worry it won't hurt...much!" I bellowed.

The fear was evident in her eyes oh yes this will be great fun.

"What are you going to do to me? I knew I shouldn't have agreed to this." Bellie groaned

"Quiet you worry too much. Rule two says _Don't forget to feed Bella__** Nutritional**__ snacks_ we are just going to have a little fun with that rule is all." I asserted.

"He really made a rule about my eating habits that man must be stopped." Bellie claimed.

"And we will now sit down at the table while I bring you your "nutritional" food."

While Bellie made her way to the table I went to the freezer. It was fully stocked due to the little human we kept around. Edward always wanted to keep Bellie well fed. Well now he was going to get his wish!

After I found what I was looking for I made my way to the table where Bellie was sitting.

"Why do you have a sinister grin on your face? I gotta tell ya that is not helping my nerves!" Bellie chastised.

"Well to be truthful you gotta take one for the team. Now before you protest we're in this together so you gotta man up." I honestly felt a little guilt for what Bellie was going to have to go through but I'll get over it this is going to be funny!

"MAN UP" Bellie yelled "I am a WOMAN. Now just tell me what I have to eat before I kick your ass!"

Wow she's got one hell of a temper. That thought warmed my heart she reminds me of my Rosie. Although now she's blushing because she's embarrassed.

"I'm sorr..."

I cut her off before she could apologize.

"Don't say you're sorry you just earned mad props for that little display. Now without further ado your dinner."

And with that I dropped onto the table 2 pints of ice cream (chocolate and Pistachio), cherries, hot fudge, brownies, caramel, red vine licorice, and hot dogs for protein.

"I can't eat all that!" Bellie screamed.

"Well duh but your gonna eat as much as you possibly can which will have it's desired affect. So start eating." I added.

Watching Bellie eat all that crap really made me respect her because there is no way in hell I would do it. After an hour Bellie had really surprised me she downed ½ of the pistachio, 1/4 of the chocolate, the whole jar of cherries, and two hot dogs topped with caramel and fudge. And a licorice or two. I was so proud I would have cried if I could.

Bellie was moaning about her full stomach while I took pictures. She was a mess she had chocolate all over her face and her clothes were a casualty in our game sporting both ketchup from earlier and her massive dinner. In foresight I should have given her a bib...all well. I added the pictures to our collection.

"I'm going to puke!" Bellie screamed.

"Hey champ you really made me proud!" I urged.

"Don't care bathroom now!"

As soon as Bellie said that she was off to the bathroom. I swear she ran so fast to the toilet I was impressed she didn't trip once but I guess that her lack of equilibrium understood the urgency.

I didn't want to miss a perfect photo opportunity so I grabbed the camera and headed towards the bathroom.

When I arrived I could clearly hear what sounded like a manatee dying but in actuality was Bellie puking her guts out. I snapped a few candid photos then went in search for some pepto bismol. Really I just wanted out of that bathroom because that was seriously a sight even I didn't want to see.

I came back when the puking stopped.

"Here's the pepto bismol I think you need it." I murmured.

Bellie took the bottle and chugged it.

"That was nasty, I don't know why I let you talk me into that!" she screamed.

"Come on because of your valiant efforts we marked three things off the list today!" I argued.

"What are you talking about we only did two." Bellie inquired.

Uh oh I'm gonna get in trouble.

"Actually I didn't tell you this earlier but _Don't Make Bella Vomit _is rule three." I whispered

"What and you didn't tell me" Bellie wailed.

"Well if I told you, you wouldn't have done it!" I said.

"Of course I wouldn't have..." she trailed off.

An evil grin marked her face and I didn't like it one bit.

"Don't worry I'll get you back I have all weekend." Bellie Chuckled.

I have a feeling this is going to be a long weekend.

"What are you going to do to me?" I moaned.

"Well..."

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**AN: Another chapter down I'll post the full list when the story is done in case I want to add something. Want something on the list leave me an idea and we'll see. Also Emmett's nickname is up next chapter. ****Review please it feeds my soul.**


	4. Mentionings of Payback and Stained Bella

**Disclaimer: If I owned I would be so much happier...and I'm not.**

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**AN: Props to Spartangirl03 for Emmett's nickname. Without further ado...**

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"_Well..."_

**Bella's Point of View:**

"Well if I told you, it wouldn't be as much fun, would't it ...Teddyman."

Hmm take that, I really don't appreciate being called Bellie really where does Emmett come up with this stuff???

I looked over to Emmett's face and he looked...amused?

"Dude that is an awesome nickname!" Teddyman replied.

Figures Emmett would actually like being called Teddyman. Why can't I ever win something against vampires? They cannot be fazed. Whatever time to admit defeat...not!

"Anyways I will get revenge!" I shouted.

"Yeah I'm so scared!" Emmett mocked.

The funny thing is that he did looked scared. Ha Emmett was putting on a brave front good now all I have to do is make good on my promise.

"It's late now so I'm going to shower and rest now. We can continue the game tomorrow." I said

I was making my way upstairs when I felt two large, cold, muscular arms wrap around my waist.

"You can shower because well you smell rank but you can't go to sleep." Emmett ordered.

What was Emmett thinking ordering me around?

"Excuse me but I thought the dictator was out on a hunting trip. What makes you think you can order me around?" I demanded.

"Chill out it's rule four: _Don't interrupt Bella's Sleep." _Emmett read off.

Ugh now I wasn't going to be able to sleep very well this weekend. I'm going to try and get out of it.

"Can't we just skip that one?" I begged.

"Listen when you agreed to do this that meant all of it don't half ass this." Emmett encouraged.

"I'm not half assing..." I was cut off by Emmett.

"Come on this is quality bonding time for me with my little sister, I want us to be close, so just go with it no more protesting please!" Emmett begged.

I couldn't resist his dimples damn him no wonder Rosalie lets him get away with so much stuff. And I think he knows he can make me do anything if he calls me his little sister. I always wanted a big brother, why am I suddenly thinking I'm regretting what I wished for...all well.

"I'm sorry Emmett I'll complain less since I really can't guarantee no complaining at all since well it's you." I offered.

"Okay deal." Emmett agreed.

"So what are we going to do tonight?" I asked.

"And that brings us to Rule Five: _Don't show Bella Scary Movies _I have pre-selected tonight's movie line up but first you need to shower because I

love you but you reek something fierce." Emmett announced.

I opened my mouth to protest but caught a whiff of myself. Vomit, ketchup, etc. I am so glad Edward isn't here to see me like this right now, as soon as that thought left my head I saw the flash of a camera.

"Nooooooo!" I screeched.

"Hey no complaining, we just crossed off another one Rule Six:_ Don't Purposely get Bella dirty_ but I bet we could have done it another way ." Emmett suggested while wiggling his eyebrows.

"Ewww Teddyman that's gross."

"Don't fight my hotness!" Emmett yelled.

"Anyways I'm going to shower." I yelled as I walked up the stairs to Edward's bathroom.

"Alright I'll pick the movies." Emmett called up to me.

Suddenly I felt scared Emmett's taste in scary movies make me want to piss my pants...it's going to be a long night.

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**An: Sorry Short chapter I tried to get it out fast because I'm moving this week and won't have time to update anytime soon. Please Review it makes pack faster so I can type faster.**


	5. Scary movies, Caffeine blunders,and Pjs

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, The Excorcist, Rosemary's Baby, Poltergeist, or anything else. Ain't I a stinker?**

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**AN: I was packing but so many ideas popped into my head so I snuck in some time at the computer. Updates are still unreliable because I am still moving. Shout out to Spartangirl03 for helping with the movie picks. If anyone has an idea for the story message me if I like it enough maybe I'll add it. Also thank you for all the reviews last chapter when I saw my inbox I totally flipped out! Without further ado...**

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"_...it's going to be a long night._"

**Bella's Point of View:**

I tried to relax during my shower but that was a lost cause. The next few days are going to be a self imposed hell, and all just to prove a point.

I locked the bathroom door and pushed a chair in front of it I know it wouldn't stop a vampire let alone a vampire of Emmett's stature but I hoped it would give me a warning because I may love Teddyman but I trust him as far as I can throw him, and that ain't far. Actually I can't make Emmett budge an inch so that only proves my point.

My shower was interrupted by Emmett whining through the door.

"Come on Bellie you're taking forever!!!"

"Yeah well you'd try to live in the shower if you went through what I did tonight. I have a feeling I'm going to be stained for life." I cried.

"Ice cream and vomit washes off!" Emmett yelled.

"I meant emotionally and mentally. I will never look at a hot dog the same way again!"

"Whatever, get out of the bathroom we've got movies to watch and you to scare!" Emmett stressed.

I guess I should just bite the bullet...now that I think about it "bitting the bullet" is a scary thing to say why do people use that phrase? The world may never know...

"I'll be out in a second I just have to get dressed." I spoke through the door. I didn't have to scream I knew Emmett could hear me.

I turned off the shower and went to my bag to retrieve my sweats when I noticed my sweats were replaced with my worst nightmare. The pixie had a vision of this I'm sure, why does she love to torment me?

I put on the pajamas Alice left me and left the bathroom to join Emmett. I felt like a dead man walking especially in my new pajamas. As I was making my way down the stairs I tripped. Luckily Emmett caught me but it wasn't the same as When Edward would catch me. Where Edward was gentle Emmett manhandled. After I recovered I took in the scene that was Emmett.

We were wearing the same atrocity, matching dark purple vampire bat footie pajamas that had the phrase 'I vant to suck your vlood' written all over them. I looked like a geeky midget compared to Emmett. Since he was a vampire he actually pulled it off. His dimples just added to the boyish effect the pajamas projected. God I hate vampires.

Emmett grabbed me so fast I was disoriented and told me to smile for the camera. I saw the flash and freaked.

"What was that for is there a rule that says you can't make Bella geekier then she already is? Why are you torturing me!" I screeched.

"Shhh! Calm down I wanted them for memories, you gotta admit we look awesome right now don't you just love Alice she over nighted these bad boys so we could start this weekend off with a blast." Emmett exclaimed.

"Wait Alice knows and she's not going to tell Edward?" I asked.

"No she says it's funny and can't wait to see the look on Edward's face in person. She'll come back before Edward does and she said she wants us to save the pictures for her." Emmett answered.

"Why does she want the pictures first?" I questioned.

"She said she had an idea but wouldn't say anything more. Now since twenty questions is over sit your butt on the couch while I load up a movie." Emmett ordered.

I sat on the couch, huddled in a blanket, and watched Emmett load the Disc player. The first movie was The Exorcist. By the time we got to the vomit scene all it did was remind me of the day's earlier events. Ewww! I hate puke with a passion. Emmett thought the scene was funny.

"Reminds me of you!" he said.

I replied by sticking my tongue out at him. Not the most mature way of settling things but it got the job done.

The next movie was Rosemary's baby it had me bitting my nails in fright. For some weird reason I could relate to Rosemary I wonder why...

By the end of the first two movies I was exhausted.

"I'm sleepy Emmett let me sleep." I begged.

He just laughed and got up from the couch. Ugh why does he find the human aspects of my life so damn funny?

"I'm glad you said that because that takes us to rule seven: _Don't Feed Bella Caffeine" _Emmett proclaimed.

He left and came back in a matter of seconds his arms full of Red Bull, Starbuck shots, and Monsters. I think he's trying to make me puke again. Emmett is going to be the death of me. I'm scared.

"Drink up." Emmett ordered while popping in Poltergeist. Yep I was right this is going to be a long night.

I opened a monster and took a long gulp. Now that I was fully awake I could give the movie my full attention. Great now I was scarred out of my wits.

The more scared I was the more caffeine I drank. Emmet got up to put in another movie I used this time to ask him a question.

"What are we going to do in the morning?"

To tell the truth I was afraid of his answer. He looked at me with an evil glint in his eye and said...

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**An: Hope you liked it. Please Read And Review I'm addicted to your responses.**


	6. Crocodile Tears and Human Supremacy

**Disclaimer: I don't own: Twilight, The Hills Have Eyes, Any of the Saw movies, or Thirty Days of Night. I'm so sad!!!**

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**AN: I would like to thank all those who reviewed although I am a little sad because last chapter got the lowest reviews in this story. So make it up to me by showing me some love or else....(cue dramatic laughter...seriously review!)**

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"_He looked at me with an evil glint in his eye and said..._"

**Emmett Point of View:**

"I if I told you then it would be as much fun, now drink up and watch the movie it's called The Hills Have Eyes. Watch and enjoy." I concluded.

I really didn't have a set plan for tomorrow but I'm pretty sure whatever I choose is going to freak Bellie out so I know it's going to be a good day. The night was already going so well, I was watching awesome scary movies in my awesome vampire pajamas. I can't wait for Rosie to see me in them.

Bellie was hilarious, she was genuinely scared of the blood and gore. To me it looked so fake but then again I had inflicted worse so...

"Ahhh!" Bellie screamed.

Ah the scream was music to my ears.

"Wow Bellie get any louder and I'll be deaf." I joked.

Bellie shot me an evil glare and it chilled my ice cold skin.

"You're evil!" she pointed out.

"Don't let the dimples fool you I'm more then just a pretty face."

"Yeah you're also annoying!" she yelled.

Ouch! I shot her a hurtful look.

"Come on you can't really be hurt it was just a joke!" she retorted.

"Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will hurt forever!" I whispered.

The movie was still playing in the background. We were talking over the shouts of terror.

"Come on everyone one knows sticks and stones can break your bones you're a vampire...a big one at that." Bellie argued.

"Oh so that's the root of the problem you're racist against vampires!" I shouted.

Bellie's face flushed. Really when would she learn I'm just pulling her tail? By the looks of it never. Eternity with my baby sister is going to be fun!

"Vampires aren't a race." Bellie stated.

"That is where you are wrong my dear the definition of race is: _an arbitrary classification of modern humans, sometimes, esp. formerly, based on any or a combination of various physical characteristics, as skin color, facial form, or eye shape, and now frequently based on such genetic markers as blood groups. _Vampires have the same physical characteristics and in this family our blood is animal blood, different from other vampire races. So we are a race and you are racist. Suck on that._" _I concluded.

Yeah I can be smart when a joke calls for it.

"That is the dumbest thing I have ever heard. First because of I am planning on marrying and becoming a vampire. And secondly because you just made up the rest." Bellie bellowed.

"You marrying a vampire is the perfect cover. I bet you secretly go to vampire hate rallies wearing garlic necklaces. I am just appalled." I quipped.

Okay, I admit I'm laying it on thick but Bellie's face is getting redder and redder. This is too funny.

"Emmett that is the dumbest thing I have ever heard! And so far from the truth!" Bellie screamed.

"Is it dumb because it is so true it hurts?"

I swear to god trying to hold in the laughter is physically hurting me. Before I explode I grabbed the camera and snap a shot of Bellie so frustrated she's as red as a stop sign. Finally I surcome to the laughter.

"HA ha ha hah ha ha. You got so mad! You should have seen your face! Priceless!!!" I chuckled.

I was rolling around on the ground it was just too funny. When I stopped I realized Bellie was crying.

"Are you crying?" I asked dumbfounded.

"No" Bellie sobbed.

Well that killed my high.

"You know I was just kidding right. We crossed one off the list." I offered trying to make her feel batter.

"No it's not okay. You're right I'm racist towards vampires! I'm a bad fiancé!" she wailed.

I stared at her in shock!

"What?" I screamed.

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**Bella Point of View: **

Ugh! Emmett is currently laughing on the floor. Hmm two can play at this game.

I started to cry, which wasn't hard because I was so angry the tears were ready and willing.

Emmett stopped laughing as soon as I started crying. To keep in character I started thinking about dead puppies. Emmett looked confused.

"Are you crying?" he asked.

"No' I sobbed.

Emmett immediately tried to soothe me.

"You know I was just kidding right. We crossed one off the list."

Really I wonder which one it was. Back to the show.

"No it's not okay. You're right I'm racist towards vampires! I'm a bad fiancé!" I wailed.

Emmett's mouth was agape and I was fighting back laughter by chanting Dead puppies in my head over and over.

"I'm going to call off the wedding!" I announced.

Emmett looked scared. Wow he is stupid.

I felt as if this was the perfect opportunity for a photo op and I quickly grabbed the camera and took a shot. It was priceless Emmett looked scared, confused, and shocked. My work here is done.

After the picture he still looked confused so I helped him out.

"And you said I was a bad actor. I think I could have won an Oscar for that performance." I raved.

Finally Emmett snapped out of it enough to respond.

"We could have used that "acting expertise" earlier today."

"Aw don't be a sore loser. I totally kicked your ass. Give credit where credit is due."

"Fine that was wicked awesome. There may be hope for you yet!" Emmett added.

"So what did we cross of the list?" I asked.

"Rule eight: _Don't make Bella angry _and rule nine: _Don't make Bella cry."_

"Ooh two birds one stone" I laughed.

"Wow it's only been a day and I've rubbed off on you. I knew this weekend was going to be awesome!" Emmett yelled.

"Alright now that, that's done pop in another movie and get me another monster I'm feeling adventurous." I ordered.

We watched a couple of the Saw movies and last but not least 30 days of night. I knew Emmett couldn't resist playing a vampire movie.

While watching the movie I noticed all the caffeine catching up with me. This was not going to be good.

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**AN: I am not a Human Supremist, I Love Vampires! Do me a favor and review. It'll get you the next chapter quicker and make me happy.**


	7. Notes to Self and Man Feelings

**AN: I know it's been a while I could make excuses about school, moving, and alien attacks or you could enjoy this short yet sweet welcome back chapter. You guys totally kicked ass with the reviews so keep the love coming...**

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**Emmett point of view:**

I am officially scared Bellie has gone bat shit crazy and I want my Rosie because once again a 95 pound human girl is scaring me. Note to self Bellie + caffeine + scary movies = not an awesome time.

"Emmy!" Bella screeched in a pitch so high it hurt my ears and that's saying something.

"What do you want?" I yelled.

"I ran out of monsters!" Bellie responded.

"So drink a redbull...even though you're already extremely hyper and annoying already." I whispered the last part.

"Well I finished the red bulls an hour ago if you had listened you would have known that. And I heard that, I am not annoying or hyper!" she squawked.

Note to self Bellie + caffeine = super human hearing. I don't think this is fun anymore.

"Um, maybe that means you should stop drinking the energy drinks and switch to water?" I suggested in the nicest way possible.

"YOU'RE NOT MY FATHER DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE EDWARD?" Bellie spat.

"Okay lets not yell at the insanely cute nice vampire shall we?" I countered.

"I don't see Edward anywhere" Bellie replied with a sickly sweet tone.

"Wow Bella that hurt my man- feelings."

"Man feelings?" Bellie asked.

"Yeah when you're a 110 % man like me it takes extra bitchiness to hurt my feelings."

As soon as the words left my mouth I instantly regretted them. Since Bella was having mood swings that challenged Edwards I'm certain that she will either A cry, B yell, or C Cry and yell and the winner is ...

"Oh so is that why you're with Rosalie?"Bellie purred..

Okay unexpected she went for option D hurtful

"Whoa there that was below the belt making fun of my woman."

"Really how many times have you made fun of Edward I"m just returning the favor. Now wait here while I go potty."

"What?"

"Potty you know the bathroom all the monsters have to go somewhere...idiot."

While Bella left the room I wondered what kind of monster I just unleashed the mood swings alone were hurting my head let alone the massive personality changes going on with her. As my musings ended Bellie walked back in.

"Now that that's taken care of what do you want to do next?" Bellie asked.

"Um put you to sleep?"

"Ha ha ha that's funny like I'm going to sleep now, pop in another movie."

"Uh it's been hours you haven't slept and I know enough about humans to know that you need at least a little nap or else you're going to crash." I insisted.

"I said put on a movie" Bella said in the most frightening tone that I immediately jumped to the tv and asked...

"Which movie?" I swear my voice almost broke.

"Um you pick." Bella said sweetly.

I am so scared. I popped in a movie and sat back onto the couch as far away from Bella as possible.

"Oh a clockwork orange I love this movie." Bella responded.

Yup I am definitely in need of help, tomorrow is going to be scary I want my mommy.

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AN" don't forget to review!!!!


	8. Fixed Equilibrium and Dumb Vampires?

**AN: YAY I told you i'd be back soon. We're so close to 100 reviews please make me happy. Oh yeah i don't own so yeah no sue me.**

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Bella Point Of View:

I have never had so much caffeine in my life, my head keeps jumping around to different things and my focus is minuscule. Right now Emmett is cowering into the couch he's seriously reminding me of the sobbing chick in the Blair witch project...anyhow the sun is starting to rise and I wanna do stuff...

What are we doing today?" I asked.

"Um stuff on the list?" Emmett responded.

"Yeah duh but which one?"

Emmett looked like he was about to pop a blood vessel with all the effort he was putting into his answer, after a long pregnant pause he replied.

"Doesn't matter we'll figure that out later."

"Really that whole time thinking and you only came up with that." I politely told him.

"Why are you yelling at me" Emmett questioned.

"What are you talking about I nicely asked you about it what's your problem?"

Emmett seriously looked at me like I had grown two heads or something.

"What are you looking at!"

For some reason Emmett was looking scared and then quickly started talking.

"Alright get dressed, can't wear awesome vampire Footsie pajamas forever, what a world it would be, a vampire can dream though." Emmett pondered.

"Actually a vampire can't dream." I corrected.

"Don't be a smart aleck" Emmett scolded.

"Someone's gotta be." I quipped.

"Do you think I'm stupid?"

Well that's a loaded question.

"No?"

"What with the question? I asked you a question you're supposed to respond with an answer!"

"You can respond with a question." I stated.

"No you can't!"

"Yes you can what if you asked me "What is the name of the book with the cute little baby bird and I would answer, Are You My Mother...technically a question as an answer."

"Don't try and be cute that's my Rosie's job."

"Don't I know it" I whispered.

"What?"

"Nothing"

"Thought so"

I broke away from our stupid argument to get dressed. I didn't trip once, I totally think the cure to my bad equilibrium is caffeine who would have thought?

I got dressed then hopped downstairs as I was making my way I got the best idea ever!

I rushed to Emmett and started jumping up and down.

"Oh my god, omigod give me the list now!" I shouted.

"Calm down what do you want?" Emmett asked.

"Stop being stupid and give me the list!"

Emmett disappeared and appeared quickly list in hand.

"Here you go you little cracked out midget."

I gave Emmett a stare down and looked at the list.

"Aha I know what we're doing today!" I announced.

"What" Emmett questioned.

"Number 10: No Dogs..."

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AN: I so can't wait to write the new chapter yay the dogs AKA werewolves...oh the fun we will have...evil laugh.

P.S Review it makes me type faster....


	9. Playdates and Dog Fights

**AN: Because my lovely readers are so great we broke 100 reviews as a reward I give you another chapter... want another chapter soon? Well then review, if not my soul dies...Guess what I don't own if i did well...yeah not mine.**

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"_Aha I know what we're doing today!" I announced._

"_What" Emmett questioned._

"_Number 10: No Dogs... _

**Emmett Point Of View:**

Damn the girl has lost her ever loving mind, who knew monsters, red bulls, and other cracked out beverages can turn you crazy I should get that published in a medical journal or something but back to the insane hyper lunatic staring at me with a huge creepy grin that seriously goes against the Joker's smile in creepiness.

"Absolutely not, I want to make Edward angry not sign my own death warrant. No way, no how am I letting you set one foot near a smelly mongrel!"

I put my foot down on that one, Edward would throw a hissy fit to end all hissy fits and I like my limbs not in a fire thank you. Although I'm not going to lie the very scary look Bella was giving me was creeping the hell out of me but in no way shape or form are we hanging out with werewolves right now. Bella started grinning and I knew I wasn't going to like whatever idea her twisted mind had concocted.

"But you didn't let me finish we're also going to be breaking rule #14: No fights." Bella concluded with a triumphant grin.

Okay now I know she's crazy.

"What makes you think I'll let you fight a wolf?" I screeched in a manly way of course...

"Not me you come on think about it you getto wrestle a werewolf, I bet I can call them and get them to meet up with us."

Okay don't wet your pants just because your wildest dreams are coming true. BREATHE.

"What makes you think I want to wrestle a werewolf?" I questioned nonchalantly even though my insides were busting with excitement.

"Well it could be because you're really devoted to the list or because you are a muscle junkie addicted to wrestling anything that can move. Actually didn't you wrestle a car once?"

"Okay, okay so you and I both know I want to wrestle a werewolf but how do we know they won't get angry when they lose and declare war or something." I asked.

"Just let me handle that okay?"

"How?"

"Let's just say I know a couple of wolves that would love to take on a talented vampire like yourself."

"Just so you know flattery will get you everywhere. Now I just have one more question to ask." I said.

"Really what?" Bella questioned.

"Why aren't you on the phone scheduling a fight of the century?" I hollered..

Bella rushed out to make the call while I grinned like an idiot. Life was good.

**Bella Point of View: **

I dialed up Jake's number and waited while it rang. Once, twice, Jake's voice.

"Hello" Jake shouted over the phone.

"Wow that's a great way to answer a phone stupid listen I have a question for you," I asked.

"Wow what's with the attitude?" Jake moaned.

Ugh what everyone's deal today?

"Shh listen you want to have a match between a vampire?"

"Edward?" Jacob asked his voice got so excited I thought he fizzed his pants.

"No not Edward it really can't be healthy the way you automatically jump to Edward. Tsk Tsk." I taunted.

"Who then?"

"Emmett." I answered.

"Listen my life doesn't revolve around bloodsuckers so I'm going to decline."

"Since when are you not 100% obsessed with vampires." I joked.

Jake growled over the phone. "Listen the answer is N-"

That's all I heard from jacob but in the background I could hear a struggle "No don't...give that back..."

"Hello?" a gruff voice asked.

"Yeah?"

"Which bloodsucker?"

"What" I asked, confused.

"Which one wants to fight?"

"Who is this?"

"Paul." The voice answered.

Of course if anyone was jonesing for a fight it was him.

"Well Emmett's the one."

"Is that the big one Paul asked.

"Yeah"

"Sweet we'll be there!"

After repeating more then once that it was a play fight Paul agreed on a set time and place close to the treaty line.

As I finished the phone call I saw a very excited Emmett in the doorway, bouncing up and down.

"You look like a kid on Christmas morning." I declared.

"Yeah but cuter right?"

"No"

"Come on I've got cute dimples and a smile that warms your heart."

An awkward silence fell between us.

"RIGHT?" Emmett said urgently.

"Come on we've got things to do today is going to be a long day."

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AN: pres the pretty green button you know you want to....who do you want to win the fight dogs or bloodsuckers??? Ask and you shall recieve my pretties...


	10. Jacob outtake: Living With Juveniles

**AN: Wow you guys are awesome all of the reviews rock for those of you who didn't review boo! Anyways this is Jacob's Point of View of the phone call. I'm still working on the next chapter so don't worry...heads up every once in a while I might get get bored and give an outtake to those who review so i'd press the green button if you know what's good for ya. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own if Meyers read this she'd puke...**

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Jacob Point of View:

Man I was trying to relax at home and wallow but could I do that no, the reason half the pack decided they wanted to "cheer me up" which just meant they wanted to mooch off of me and eat me out of house and home.

CRASH!

"What did you break now?" I sighed.

"Wasn't me" was repeated throughout my tiny house.

I need better friends or at least a werewolf proof lock...a guy can dream.

Ring ring!

I swear if that's more of my so called friends I'm kicking some ass.

"Hello" I shouted.

"Wow that's a great way to answer a phone stupid, listen I have a question for you," I asked.

Oh it's Bella why she so bitchy? Maybe the bloodsuckers are getting on her nerves? One can only hope.

"Wow what's with the attitude?"

Please say it's Edward's fault please say it's Edwards's fault.

"Shh! listen you want to have a match between a vampire?"

"Edward?" Wow I need to tone down the excitement I think I almost jizzed.

"No, not Edward it really can't be healthy the way you automatically jump to Edward. Tsk Tsk." Bella answered.

Damn she was right too all these vampires are messing with my brain and making me all emo...

"Who then?" I asked.

"Emmett". She said. Damn on any other day I would be glad to wrestle that oaf of a bloodsucker but now not so much.

"Listen my life doesn't revolve around bloodsuckers so I'm going to decline."

"Since when are you not 100% obsessed with vampires."

Ugh! she knew me too well. But this conversation was really pissing me off and bella sounded bitchy so I barked out an answer.

"Listen the answer is N-"

If I had been paying attention to my surroundings I would have noticed that my house got really quiet since everyone was using their super hearing to listen in on my phone call, but sadly I noticed too late.

Paul grabbed the phone from my hand and had on a stupid eager grin while he did it too.

"No don't...give that back..." all my effort was futile.

A few of the other wolves sat on me to keep me from ripping the phone out of Paul's hand. Seth had the audacity to sit on my head. I'm going to ask Sam to request more bathing because damn the vampires were right we stunk. I didn't get to hear the rest of the phone conversation but apparently we were on for a fight, Yippie, I swear I live with juveniles.

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AN: Tell me if this was a hit or a miss...review please....


	11. Emmett's Muscles & Baby Tees

**AN: Hey guys thanks so much for the reviews we got to 150 last chapter so i thought I'd grace you with another chapter. Aren't I sweet? Some of you didn't like the outtake some did can't please them all...**

**Disclaimer: Not mine..Please don't hurt me Stephanie it's not my fault. the reviewers made me do it.**

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Emmett Point of View:

I don't know what Bella was talking about I am cute goddamn it. No time for that now I get to beat up some over sized puppies. I wonder what I should wear...probably something that shows off my beautiful muscles.

"Hey earth to stupid I've been trying to talk to you for like five minutes but you zoned out with a stupid grin." Bella pointed out.

"Well nice to see you're in a chipper mood."

"I'm just waiting for the show" Bella said

"You mean the gun show" As soon as I said it I started to flex my many muscles.

"Wow you are something" Bellie mumbled.

"Yeah something great!" I shouted.

"Nope more like something stupid." Bellie countered.

"Alright I get it enough with the insults."

"Why you gonna cry to mommy?"

"Wow Bella you're worse than a playground bully!" I shouted.

"Yeah well I guess that makes you the fat kid!" Bellie laughed.

"Hey no one calls me fat. You're no fun Bella."

"Ugh we can either sit here and argue or we can go have ourselves a fight. You choose."

"I pick the fight" I grumbled.

"Good now the wolves set it up close to the treaty line so I guess we'll have to run there." Bella explained.

"We'll have to run?" I questioned.

"Okay so you'll have to run while I hold onto your meaty back for dear life. Better?"

"Yes thank you very much."

"Alright now lets go ."

Bella turned and started towards the door.

"Wait!" I yelled.

"What's wrong" Bellie asked puzzled.

" I need to pick out something to wear."

"What! Who are you Alice? You just got dressed." Bella screeched.

"If I'm going to fight I need a shirt that shows off my muscles!"

"I swear to god if it were possible for me to kill you I would be roasting marshmallows over a purple fire turning your body into ash." Bellie spoke morbidly.

"Wow that was way too much detail for a spur of the moment rant." I shuddered.

Bella was getting more and more creepy every hour I swear.

"Fine okay we will go get you a fighting shirt" Bella agreed.

"YAY" I yelled.

_One hour later..._

"I can't believe we spent and hour picking out a fighting shirt." Bella said dazed.

"Hey this is a momentous occasion one does not get to fight wolves everyday!" I explained.

I decided that a regular shirt wouldn't do so I went into Edward's closet and picked out a plain white shirt. Bella and I decorated it with magic markers it's awesome if I do say so myself.

**Emmett's shirt Bella Point of View:**

Wow, I cannot believe Emmett is wearing that. He forced me to go into Edward's closet and pick him out a shirt. It's like three sizes too small and he ripped it a little when he put it on. I swear he looks like the incredible hulk with dimples right now.

When he got out the magic markers I nearly pissed myself. I was laughing so hard I thought I'd blow a gasket.

The shirt now looks like a ripped baby tee with phrases like "sexy bitch" and "werewolves suck monkey butt" Yes Rosalie sure won the prize with that one. The wolves are going to have a field day with this.

**Back to Emmett Point of View:**

"Whatever let's go" Bella groaned.

She's just jealous of my wicked awesome shirt.

As we were walking out the door Bella grabbed the camera.

"Can't forget baby" Bella smiled.

"Baby?" I questioned.

"Yes, baby this thing is my livelihood. We need to document this don't you think."

"Yes, we do for it is a momentous occasion!" I said heroically

"Alright calm down we're just going to wrestle with some dogs no need to pee your pants." Bella huffed.

"Alright I'll just save my excitement for the big event. Now climb on my back."

"What am I a spider monkey?" Bellie shouted.

"Get one thing straight you are not my goddamn spider money... that's Rose, And I' her monkey man..." I explained.

"Don't I know it" Bella mumbled.

"What's that?" I asked.

"Nothing let's go"

**Bella Point of View: **

Riding on Emmett's back made me think of three things:

The first: I miss Edward.

The second: I hate Emmett

And the third: I can't wait to see the wolves make fun of Emmett's baby tee.

I swear a crash test dummy is treated better then I am right now. I'm like a rag doll on Emmett's back right now.

"Gentle!" I screamed.

"I'll be gentle when I'm dead!" Emmett responded.

"More like my death!"

"Calm down you baby we're almost there." Emmett explained.

"How can you tell?" I asked.

Emmett scrunched up his nose and said "I can smell them."

He set me down and called out "Olly olly oxen free!"

"What was that for?" I questioned but was cut off by a howl.

"We're here!"

I walked through the bushes towards the howl when I saw it the worst thing imaginable...

**(AN: I want a cliffie so bad but no)**

All of the rez boys were wearing baby tees with phrases like "ultimate fighter" and "bloodsuckers suck" it was going to be a long day.

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AN: Not quite the fight but trust me we'll get there....review please or else I'll hurt myself...ha ha ha...seriously


	12. Man love circles, Big Fights, and lunch?

**AN: Wow finally the fight I know it's taken some time but here it is. Oh and thanks for the reviews they make me smile smile smile. So i Have a proposition for all my lovely readers if I reach 200 reviews from this chapter I will update immediately. We should be able to do it since I have over a hundred fav story alerts so lets get to it.**

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Bella's Point of View:

Finally we were getting the show on the road. As soon as my shock from my bad taste in friends wore off we got to business. The wolves were so excited they were huddled together psyching each other up.

"We are going to win this.! YEAH! Kick some ass! YEAH! And then get something to eat! YEAH!" All the wolves shouted.

Wow I feel sorry for wherever they're going to eat later from the looks of it the man/horses are going to tear it up. I feel scared for anything small and fuzzy in the Forrest as well.

"Hey Emmett look at how pathetic they are I'm so glad you aren't acting like tha..."

I shut my mouth as I turn around to look at Emmett who is single handedly miming the scene from Rocky where rocky gets jazzed up before the big fight. Ugh I don't know whether I should laugh or cry that when I get married I will be related to this guy. Yeah suicide time now. Anyhoo back to the fight...

"Emmett let's just get this over with." I said.

"Aw don't get so upset this is a momentous occasion the wolves are finally going to get what's coming to them." Emmett chirped.

"Wow how deliciously mobster of you." I replied.

"Ooh like Ray Liotta in Goodfellas?" "Emmett pitched in.

"Uh sure." He wishes.

"Hey you guys hate to break up your man love circle but it's time to get your asses kicked!" Emmett yelled towards the wolves.

_Meanwhile In the Wolves Power Circle... _

"Okay you guys this is our chance. I want everyone to do their bests and kick some muscle meat vampire ass." Sam encouraged.

"Yeah"

"Yes"

"Alright" The others added.

"Whoopie!" Jacob added unenthusiastically.

"Shut up butt munch" Seth yelled.

"Why is everybody picking on me?" Jacob whined.

"Maybe because you're being a whiney bi..."

"Alright enough it is time!" Sam ordered while being overly dramatic.

The young group of men attempted to walk nonchalantly towards the massive vampire and the strung out girl but failed miserably their excitement giving them away.

"Okay so how are we going to do this? We want to keep this strictly good natured, no one gets hurt...except of course the vampire's ego." Sam spoke confidently.

"Good natured right" Bella questioned sarcastically."

"So what are the rules?" Sam asked.

"Ugh more rules this weekend was supposed to be about breaking the rules." Emmett whined.

"What?" the wolves asked terribly confused.

"Nothing!" Bella said through her teeth staring pointedly at Emmett "nothing at all. Right Emmett?"

Emmett tried to shake off the feeling of utter terror Bella instilled in his heart. He honestly felt bad for Edward the poor bastard he was going to have to live side by side with Bella for all eternity. Although Edward would say the same thing about him and Rosalie. Ha don't you love irony...anyhoo back to the fight.

"The rules are: Once someone taps out they're done, No biting!, winner has bragging rights for forever and I think that's about it." Sam Concluded.

"Alright let's get ready to rumble!" Bella added in a deep voice.

Everyone just looked at her like she was crazy. "Or not" Bella added uncomfortably.

"I just want to say you can't pass judgement while wearing baby tees." Bella stated.

"What are you talking about baby tees rock!" both the wolves and Emmett screeched.

The wolves and Emmett had their eyes meet. It was like love at first sight. Bella was aggravated and felt like she was in the twilight zone. Everyone was acting stupid but no one seemed to care. (Cue twilight zone music).

Bella broke the silence. "Anyhoo I hate to break up your little love feast but we have a play fight to continue."

"Get on your sides. In this corner a cold blooded all American muscled vampire. And in this corner gigantic four legged balls of fury. Let's get ready to rumble..." Bella announced in her best male announcer voice.

At first the wolves went one on one with Emmett but that ended badly poor Paul was thrown into three trees simultaneously. So bad idea. Then it was decided two wolves to a fight.

"Here little doggy come and get it!" Emmett called towards the wolves. Which riled them up. The wolves tackled him with gusto.

Bella took dozens of shots with her camera while the two sides fought. Bella was laughing so hard she thought she would surely crack a rib.

The game went on for hours with the definitive winner being Emmett. It was impressive really the spirit the boy carried was enlightening.

After a while the wolves started to look a little down and Bella thought she would call the fight.

"Alright you guys it's over."

"Aw no give us sometime we can make a come back!" Seth yelled.

Emmett and Bella felt bad about how Emmett had single handedly crushed the wolves spirit so he decided to try to make them feel better.

"Come on you guys you really showed some heart out there and even though I kicked your asses..."

"Emmett! Not helping!" Bella yelled.

"Alright okay anyways I want to treat you all to lunch...

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An: I hope you found this chapter funny if not then I'll cry. Don't forget to review i can't wait to write the Lunch with the dogs...


	13. Lunch and Lucky Thirteen

**An: So we didn't get 200 but i'm still happy thank you very much, you all are great. Without further ado the next chapter...**

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Waitress POV:

I swear to god working at this place is going to be the death of me. The lunch rush came in and apparently people don't understand that a tip is not 23 cents on a 30 dollar bill.

The restaurant was boring and my feet were killing me. Just when I was going to go on break a goddamn team of what looks like mutant men strung out on steroids came through the door. And since the other waitress Jill left it's just me and what looks like thirteen body builders.

I slowly approached them and that's when I noticed a what they were wearing. Ugh it looks like they robbed a babygap.

"How may I help you? I asked in the most polite voice I could muster up.

One of the big ones with dimples answered.

"We'd like to be seated there's.." he took a brief head count. "...there's thirteen of us."

He gave me a big grin showing me all of his teeth and for some reason I scooted closer to the tanned men I felt safer closer to them. When I did that the tanned men started to snicker and the pale one looked sad. I snapped out of my daze and seated them.

It took six tables in order to get all of them seated. While they were sitting I noticed a small girl with long brown hair among the group. I wondered briefly if she was their handler since the all looked scared of her.

As soon as all of them took their seats I began taking their drink order. The girl shouted immediately.

"COFFEE!" At once I realized why the others were afraid of her. Upon closer inspection I noticed the girl was shaking all over. It made me wonder if she was going through withdrawal or something.

"Um sure coffee uh anything else?" I answered.

"Milk!" was shouted at me through eleven mouths. Ha I wonder where they got their manners. Like they need to grow more! Milk deficiency was definitely not their problem.

"And what about you" I asked the pale man with the dimples.

"Anything you have that's red." He spoke.

I got a weird look on my face. The look on his face told me he was not kidding.

The small girl kept taking pictures of everything and then giggling with the pale one. They do not pay me enough for this.

"Alrighty then that's 11 milks, 1 coffee, and red punch. I'll be right back."

When I got the drink orders filled I could hear arguing from the tables.

"You cannot have a meal made of coffee!"

"Stop eating the napkins!"

"No we cannot go to baskin robins after this."

I made four trips to get all of the drinks to the tables. As soon as I got the coffee in front of the girl she chugged it straight, hot, and with no sugar. I shuddered something wasn't right with this chick.

"So what would you like to order?" I questioned.

The look on their faces made me feel I was Santa Claus.

Apparently they had come prepared because they had a list made. They handed it to me. It read:

_10 egg white omelets no cheese extra bacon_

_26 fruit bowls_

_6 Belgium waffles_

_8 french toast_

_11 glasses of orange juice_

_15 ham sandwiches _

_12 stacks of pancakes_

_4 grapefruits _

_48 hard-boiled eggs_

_24 slices of toast_

_10 cokes_

_2 diet cokes_

_6 coffees_

I was speechless did they want all of this today?

"Um is this a joke?" I asked them.

One of the taller tanned ones answered me with a completely serious face.

"Believe me we never joke about food."

"Okay well I'm going to go get the kitchen staff started on this." With any luck they should be through by Christmas.

_One and a half hours later..._

Finally the food was ready the table was looking like a hungry pack of dogs I swear I was afraid they were going to eat me.

We had to tun away any other customers since we were officially out of food, especially after the table added to the final list.

I delivered the food to the table in twenty trips. They were so wound up I almost lost a limb. I honestly think there was something supernatural about these boys appetites except for the pale one he didn't seem very enthusiastic about his food...weird.

It was odd and it passed in a blur the lunch was done in a fraction of the time it took to prepare. Ugh I was so tired my shift could end as soon as I got the table out the door. I was thanking my lucky stars that the table wasn't very talkative, there was a weird tension in the air as I approached the table.

There were dirty dishes piled high and not a scrap of food remaining.

"So would you like your check now?" I asked as pleasantly as possible.

One of the tanned boys answered with a loud chuckle.

"Nope! Now we'd like to see the desert menu!"

I think I'm going to cry!!!

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AN: Let me know what you think leave a review.


	14. Late Updates, Lazy Authors, and No Calls

**AN: I am so sorry about the long wait, really there is no excuse, I don't even have a life to blame it on. It's a short update but there should be another one soon. Send me ideas for the story it'd be swell. Once again Sorry.**

Emmett Point Of View:

That was interesting, the waitress looked like she was going to cry throughout the whole meal. Well until I showed her the wad of fifties that was her tip, her eyes got so wide I could see my awesome man dimples in them. Hey I'll admit it I am a sexy bitch.

I'm glad I don't have to feed the dogs on a regular basis because that could drain even a Cullen's bank account.

Bella and I are driving back now but she's really starting to freak me out. I think she's stopped blinking.

"Bella maybe you should take a nap?"

"Maybe you should SHUT UP?" Bella shouted.

Wow I think she's angry, definitely time for a nap.

"Bella what the hell is wrong with you."

"Edward hasn't called me once, not once what is his problem?"

"Oh that's why you're pulling queen of the damned on me, now I will tell you why your beloved isn't calling you but you have to promise to remain calm can you do that Bellie?"

Now this is when Bellie gets really angry. She doesn't even scream in a calm voice she describes how she is going to castrate me post-change if I don't tell her now, and being the manly and highly intelligent vampire I am I tell her.

"I called the phone company and blocked his cell from your phone" I say in a rush.

"You did what!"

"I just knew that he was going to ruin our weekend with his worrying and I wanted us to have maximum fun. SO please forgive me Bellie." I flash my dimples and she's sold.

"Fine but why doesn't he just use Jasper's phone?"

"I may have blocked his cell as well. I don't think he even noticed it's not like there's a ton of cell phone service in the middle of the woods anyway."

"Yeah I guess I just miss him." Bella sighed

"Hey Miss. Party Pooper lets do something off the list now, what do you want to do?"

"Wanna see what havoc we can reek in Seatle" Bella offered.

"Best idea ever Bellie."

"Don't call me Bellie, I will cut you."

"Good to know"


	15. Pretty Emmett and Just a Girl Bella

Bella Point Of View:

While sitting in Emmett's jeep I realize that Edward hasn't called me once since this horrid weekend began.

Emmett interrupts the blissful silence:

"Bella maybe you should take a nap?"

Where does he get off I am fine.

"Maybe you should SHUT UP?" I shouted.

"Bella what the hell is wrong with you."

Ugh he's my problem.

"Edward hasn't called me once, not once what is his problem?"

"Oh that's why you're pulling queen of the damned on me, now I will tell you why your beloved isn't calling you but you have to promise to remain calm can you do that Bellie?"

It's like Emmett wants me to murder him, he's begging me to just hurt him and I'm step away from letting loose with a steel bat on his skull.

"I called the phone company and blocked his cell from your phone" Emmett says in a rush.

I think my brain stopped functioning...

"You did what!"

"I just knew that he was going to ruin our weekend with his worrying and I wanted us to have maximum fun. SO please forgive me Bellie." He flashed me his dimples and I swear it's the last time it works on me.

"Fine but why doesn't he just use Jasper's phone?"

"I may have blocked his cell as well. I don't think he even noticed it's not like there's a ton of cell phone service in the middle of the woods anyway."

"Yeah I guess I just miss him." I sighed.

"Hey Miss. Party Pooper lets do something off the list now, what do you want to do?"

I thought long and hard...

"Wanna see what havoc we can reek in Seattle" Bella offered.

"Best idea ever Bellie."

"Don't call me Bellie, I will cut you."

"Good to know"

During the drive Emmett decided to test my patience again. Flipping through his ipod he triumphantly chooses a song and I hear the start of...

_Take this pink ribbon off my eyes  
I'm exposed _  
_And it's no big surprise  
Don't you think I know  
Exactly where I stand  
This world is forcing me  
To hold your hand _

Now I'm a fan of No Doubt so that wasn't the problem it was the very large male vampire singing along that got my goat.

"Emmett Please stop!" I screamed.

Emmett just responded with:

_'Cause I'm just a girl, little 'ol me  
Don't let me out of your sight  
I'm just a girl, all pretty and petite  
So don't let me have any rights_

Oh...I've had it up to here!  
The moment that I step outside  
So many reasons  
For me to run and hide  
I can't do the little things I hold so dear  
'Cause it's all those little things  
That I fear  


He wasn't playing fair!

"Please have mercy!" I shouted but my plea fell on deaf ears, man I wish I had deaf ears.

_'Cause I'm just a girl I'd rather not be  
'Cause they won't let me drive Late at night I'm just a girl,  
Guess I'm some kind of freak  
'Cause they all sit and stare  
With their eyes_

I'm just a girl,  
Take a good look at me  
Just your typical prototype

Oh...I've had it up to here!  
Oh...am I making myself clear?  
I'm just a girl  
I'm just a girl in the world...  
That's all that you'll let me be!  
I'm just a girl, living in captivity  
Your rule of thumb  
Makes me worry some  


At this point Emmett decided to take his hands off the wheel to dance along to the song. It was around this point I wished I could just pass out but with the copious amounts of caffeine in my system were not going to let that happen. My only options were to grin and bear it.

_I'm just a girl, what's my destiny?  
What I've succumbed to Is making me numb  
I'm just a girl, my apologies  
What I've become is so burdensome  
I'm just a girl, lucky me  
Twiddle-dum there's no comparison_

Oh...I've had it up to!  
Oh...I've had it up to!!  
Oh...I've had it up to here!  


By the end of the song I was openly starring at Emmett in shock.

"May I say there is nothing pretty or petite about you." I said.

"I'm not petite but Damn I'm pretty!" Emmett shouted.

And we continued on our journey to frighten the innocent citizens of Seattle.


	16. Flaming Eagles sexing Edward's Portrait?

AN: Ugh I know I took forever but real life sucks...hard

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"All right now where should we go Emmett" I asked.

"Well I was thinking that we could do the rule"Don't mark Bella!" His enthusiasm high.

I thought about it, sure walking around with whatever scrawl Emmett could put on me would be annoying but I'd power through it.

"Okay that would be great what are you planning get a bunch of sharpies?"

Huh I really am not liking the guilty look on Emmett's face.

"Emmett!" I reprimanded.

"I don't think sharpies are going far enough. I was thinking we would get you a real tattoo!"

Wow Emmett is dumber then he looks.

"No no no a thousand times no."

"I could force you ya know, it wouldn't be hard you're like what a hundred pounds soaking wet?"

"Yeah and it's not going to look suspicious a two hundred plus pound meathead dragging a girl in for a tattoo." I exclaimed.

"whoa whoa whoa who are you calling a meathead?"

"If the hat doesn't fit..."

"I don't even know who you are anymore."

"I now know why Rose is so mean, it's fun!"

"Oh god what kind of monster did I create!" Emmett yelled toward the heavens.

"Over dramatic much?" I asked.

Thinking it over I decided that the tattoo wasn't a bad idea every other rule on the list was silly this one would really irritate Edward.

"Alright lets do should we go for the tattoo?"

Shock covered Emmett's face. "You'll do it?"

"Yeah really."

"I love scary caffeinated Bella she kicks ass!" Emmett yelled.

Hmm i wonder if the caffeine is affecting my mind?

...

_A few Moments later..._

Walking into the tattoo parlor I realized two things Emmett has bad ideas and I am very dumb for agreeing to them.

The smell of antiseptic was already making me sick.

"Okay so I think you should get a tattoo of a bald eagle on fire making love to an American flag!"

"That's one idea or I could get Edward's name on my back."

"Yeah that's perfect and we could add a portrait of his face. That's love, his face on your back for eternity!"

"Emmett remember our conversation if you can't behave I will leave you in the car!"

And of course he starts pouting.

"NO pouting!"

"Imma tell Esme on you!"

Ugh Emmett is a giant baby.

A woman who worked at the parlor approached us, she had more metal on her face then a train track.

"How may I help you?" She asked.

Emmett took a breath to start to speak.

"So help me Emmett if anything out of your mouth involves "on fire" or "lifesize portrait" I will hurt you."

He promptly sat down.

"I'd like a tattoo please..."

_One painful hour later..._

"I am never listening to you again" I said while clutching my now throbbing shoulder.

"Come on You only passed out three times and we have so much to do!" Emmett yelped.

Ugh I need like two pounds of advil...

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AN: Give me ideas it'll help me write faster...Thanks for reading.

"Let's go!" I said angrily


End file.
